"Number Fifteen"


Why do feelings just fade?
Time will come when flowers just don't smell sweet anymore...
I love you doesn't sound real anymore...
Why do my feelings for you don't seem to be the way it had been before?

There are a lot of reasons why I want to express these feelings I have inside. There's something in me that doesn't feel right. I tried talking to you, to tell you honestly how I feel about "us". I even asked how you feel about it, but all I can hear was "that's ok! go ahead, I am just after your happiness, If I don't make you happy anymore then, I guess I should exit out of your life, and soon I will be better, and you'll be very surprised and proud of me"...

In all the attempts to talk to you, I guess I already told you everything, and the replies I get from you, is all what you wanna say, but, you know what? I guess there are still words left unsaid...

I guess I just need to understand what you are going through right now, that you are hurt, and you need time to think about things, but, I guess I also deserve to know what really is going on in your mind...

You know what? I am also hurting as much as you do, I don't think it is guilt, but, it is more of the thinking that you are all blaming it on me...

I don't think that that is fair. Let's look outside of the box. It is not just me finding someone new, and It is not about telling you the truth after it all happened, but, as you look deeper, why the hell have I done all those things? I guess it is not just for my personal reasons, and I am not thinking of you, maybe, I did not tell you, because I was thinking that "I still believe in us" and the stupid things I did, was just to test if I am strong enough to stand by our relationship...

With all that's happening right now, I realized that I am just human, and I am not a perfect girlfriend that you thought I was. In all those years that I was with you, I never feel wrong of having to tolerate all that you do that's hurting me, because I know that I am the one who chose you, and my love for you is stronger than anything in the world. I never thought that I will grow tired of doing that, and I guess it was just now that I am thinking of what I should really feel. I just want to be happy, and I guess if I am always the one to give in, I am just fooling myself that I am really happy, even if I am not.

Someday, I want to see you again with all your goals fulfilled. I still wish you all good because you will always be a part of me. You will always be in my heart, remeber that...

It all started the 15th of January, 2001 and ended the 15th of April, 2007... I don't know if it's officially over...


Comments

Tannix Keyvs said…
Ouch!

Hehe.

I don't blame anyone here. It's just me that is the reason why we are on shambles.

If traced down, it's me, tan-tan, and christian that is at fault.

I still have a lot in mind, and I am so WEAK to tell it.
April 16, 2007 at 3:27 PM
Miss Dré . said…
In all truth and honesty, this made me cry...
April 17, 2007 at 1:50 AM
Mikai Tasani said…
i didn't know.. so sad..
April 29, 2007 at 10:23 AM
Dubi Wolf said…
hehe... naku, miks mahabang kwento... =D
April 30, 2007 at 10:12 AM
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