I hate myself for loving you...

I don't know what I am feeling right now... It all started last week when I was about to meet somebody that was special to me. I admit I am quite excited about it, and I believe it will push thru. But then came the day, and it was cancelled, because of some stupid reason. What is sad about it is that, even if I knew I am always being hurt by this person, I am just so forgiving to him, that is because he is someone special to me, and I love him so much. I'd been hurt again, and it is because of me. Being so gullible maybe, and believing that everything can always go well, if we want it. It was a realization that I am still broken, and I can't still start over until I am well. I want this person to know that I am not pretending, and what I tell him are not lies. Yes, I still wanna see him, and I want to spend time with him. I was really hurt to realize the facts, and it was like a hard slap on the face. I need to forget him, and I need to forget all the feelings I have for him. If you had the chance to read this, I want you to know that you hurt me big time, and I can't believe how you say you love me, even if you continue to hurt me. I don't know what is going on in your head, and if you see me as someone you can play with, you better think twice, I did it all for you because I love you, and that is my only reason. I don't know what else to do when I gave it all up for you, even my pride. I want you to know that it should not be all about you and your feelings alone. You also need to compromise at times, and be true to yourself. As painful as it could be, I no longer want to see you, talk to you or anything at all. Being with you, I know, will just hurt me, and I don't want that to happen again. I want you to be out of my mind, and out of my life. I do regret some things, but I know that you made me a better person. I know that when all this is over, and I was able to get through all of this, I am gonna be stronger than before, and I wouldn't let anyone hurt me again, the way you do. These will all come to an end. I hope soon...

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